baldness
by hieress
Summary: in which James say bad jokes, Lily and James have a fireball fight, Lily gets kinky and ties James, and then give him a hair cut and some heavy snogging afterwards.


If there is one thing James Potter loves in this world, it's his hair. And his grandmom's cookies. And the boxer shorts (with brooms moving around) his dad gave him. And Quidditch. And…

Okay, so James Potter _can't _love just one thing in this world. But he thinks his hair is at the top of the list. I mean, has he been able to eat cookies while he was in his mum's tummy? Did he wear boxer shorts? Was he able to play Quiddittch when he was just a floating in his mum's tummy? (Though… that would explain his great skill and talent at Quidditch. Think about it.)

But he had his _hair. _When he was in his mom's tummy and kicking and alone and hearing things, he had his hair. It was his hair that gave him to courage to come into this world of jumble and confusing people cooing at him and throwing him to the air.

When he tells this to his friends, Peter would smile at him weirdly and Sirius would laugh at him and call him insane and Remus would just shake his head and won't even bother asking the heavens why he was even friends with these guys.

That is why when Lily Evans (love of his life) suggested to him: "Maybe you should… shave your hair or something. It's too messy," he was horrified, indeed.

"_What?_" came his reply in a silent, scary whisper.

"Merlin, James, I didn't ask you to hurl your own grandmother outside the astronomy tower . I only asked you to cut your hair a bit."

"You said I need to _shave! _And I do cut my hair a bit. During summer. It's always the same length, every year, you see?"

"No it's not. Last year this strand of hair was just above your eyebrows, now it's almost poking your eyes out."

"Despite the fact that I find it _endearing _that you stalk me, you lie! My hair would _never _do anything to hurt me- Ow!" That _'Ow' _was because Lily had just yanked a strand of his hair. "Usually, that would've been 'kinky' in my book, but that really hurt, woman!"

"Seriously, James, you should cut it, even by just an inch."

"No! That's like cutting off my hair supply." He giggled to himself. "Haha- get it? Hair supply? Air supply? Haha."

"Ooo, very funny, James." Lily said dryly.

"Hey, you really should have some sense of humor I me-"

"_Incendio!_" She hurled the flame to James' forehead and immediately extinguished itself.

Meanwhile, James was screaming for his life. "_Lily! _Lily, _please! No! _Are you mad, _woman?_"

"What? I don't see any problems here..." She smiled sweetly.

"You burned my _hair!_ At the bangs! How _could you?_"

"It's just hair..."

"_Just hair? _Is it also '_just air_'?"

"James, please stop with the hair air jokes..."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"No, I don't."

"Here, let me fix it for you." Lily grabbed a chair and put it in front her dresser, conjured a pair of scissors and motioned for James to sit down.

James huffed. "No."

"Do you want to be bald? Because next time I'm going to burn _everything._"

"Lil-eeeee."

"_James._"

"_Lily._"

"James, come on."

He crossed his arms stubbornly. "No."

"_James._" Flames flickered at her fingertips once again. "I'm going to do it."

"No you wont. I mean, you _need my hair. _For our romps. I mean, what would you hold on to when you're going to c-"

"_JAMES!_"

"Yeah, like that." He started to nod when another fireball was hurled in his direction–he cursed whoever taught Lily wandless magic; probably Slughorn, darn him–and (bless his Quidditch reflexes) ducked. He stood up, grabbed his wand, made a fireball of his own. "Oh, it is _so _on."

* * *

And that is how, twenty minutes later, James found himself tied by a rope made of water to the chair right in front of Lily's dresser–which, he noted with distaste was pink and full of girly stuff that a whole whale could consume and _die_–with a pair of scissors hovering just above hair.

"I hate you, Lily. Next time we get in bed, I am going to _punish _you. Like, I am going to cut all of your hair and shove it up yo-"

_Snip._

If this was a movie, it was James' cue for a dramatic shout of "_Noooooooo!_" and a close up, slow motion of the strand of hair that has parted from its roots, which, if you listen intently (and perhaps if there wasn't a screaming whale) are shouting their own "_Nooooo!_"

Not really, but this is the Wizarding world, where even your hair could possibly scream in despair.

But there was a very unmanly "_Nooooooo!_" which was followed by the sound of a choked sob that came exactly from a person who claimed to be very manly.

Lily Evans?

No, James Potter.

"Merlin, James, I didn't cut your _veins._"

"You might as well have!"

"Look at the mirror." When James turned his head to the side with an upturned nose, she took his chin in her hands, and forced it to the mirror. "See? You look like an image of a fine young wizard!"

"Lily, I look like a flabberworm's arse. I mean, of course, my face is _dashing. _But your haircut is blocking it all out."

Sending an irritated look to her ungrateful boyfriend, she replied, "_You're _a flabberworm's arse. I've barely cut your hair."

"And that's _all _you're doing." He tested the water.

Still tight. Darn.

"Is it?"

James surely didn't like the devious smile on her face.

* * *

One too many _snip_s later, James' hair was shorter by a mile.

"Good _Merlin._ I look like-"

"Merlin himself?"

"No! How could you imagine your boyfriend as a hundred year old man! I mean, I look like those sods in those Balls my parents bring me to. Those with sticks up their arse."

Ignoring the comment about Merlin, she just said: "Shut up. I've only cut your hair a little."

And what James said was true. Lily had taken the liberty of parting his hair and combing it to the side - not an easy chore, too, mind you.

"I look so... Un-James-y." James said with unease. The person in the mirror didn't look very much like him. He sighed. He absently wondered if this was what Voldemort was going to do to him to torture him. Make him bald and ugly.

"Yeah," Lily agreed with a frown. A second later, she smiled, brought her hands up to his head and ruffled it.

Instantly, some started to stand up, as if they remembered they were part of James Potter. That they were rebellious and stubborn and cannot be brought down! That they are headstrong! Reckless! Self-willed!

(But they are part of James Potter and they go weak in the knees because of a certain redhead.)

Lily hummed her approval at James' new look. "That's better."

She snapped her fingers and the water disappeared, though they both remained dry. The strands of James Potter hair scattered on the floored disappeared, too.

James stood up, brushed some of the hair that had gotten to his shoulders and leaned on the dresser. His face twitched, so his expression looked something like annoyance and amusement. His mouth forming quite a nice mix of a pout and a smirk.

He crossed his shoulders and looked at her and–_oh._

It was once of the instances where she really appreciated how good James looked.

He had a sharp jaw and hazel eyes that always seemed to gleam with amusement and lips that were always fixed in a coy smile–if they weren't smirking or frowning or on her own lips. He is quite skinny but well defined. His shoulders are broad and she can just see his collar bones - he'd left two buttons on the top unbuttoned. His eyebrows are a bit too bushy, which she only noticed because he'd no bangs covering them. At the top of his head, his hair is sticking up like it was done by a professional stylist - gelled and all that, at the sides, some are stubbornly sticking up but most are sticking to his sides.

He looked quite doable.

Very doable.

Lily took a step forward and pulled his collar to her.

He jerked forward. "Ouch, woman! Haven't you done enough damage ye-"

Lily silenced his words with a kiss, her fingers forming to fists at his collar as she pressed her lips to his. He was still, surprised, maybe. She swiped her tongue to his lips, requesting entrance. When she felt his lips parting slowly, she immediately leaned forward, deepening the kiss.

James stumbled backward and, almost as if his senses we awakened, his hands entangled themselves to Lily's hair and began to respond to the kiss with much vigour. His tongue slipped in her mouth and he could feel Lily's hands wandering, one behind his neck, her hands taking whatever clump of hair she can and closed it to a fist and the other hand snaking to his chest.

He leaned back, put his arms around her waist and turn them around until Lily felt her dresser against her bum. Annoyed that her lips was nowhere near him, she pressed it to his jaw, kissing it and sucking on it and licking. She felt mighty triumphant when she hears a low growl from him. She moved downwards, her hand still playing with the hair by the nape of his neck.

Lily kissed where the pulse would be, lightly sucking then moving downwards to where his neck meets his fine, broad shoulders. James chuckled huskily and she can feel the vibrations on her face.

"What?" She murmured to his neck.

"Nothing."

Lily, looking flushed and red, looked up at him, ruffled his hair and said, "You look _really_ good."

As she moved her face to kiss him again, James thinks that he definitely would go bald if Lily thought it would look good on him and if it would gain him a full on snog with her.

(Though, not really. He's sure he likes his James Potter hair.)

(Plus he has full on snogs with her everyday.)

* * *

**A/N**: I'm terrible at conversations, _I know. _So, this was sort of like a practice. And also at the snogging scenes.

So.. yeah.

Hope y'all enjoyed the hair/air jokes!

(I'm sorry that I use a lot of parenthesis oh, _God._)

**Disclaimer**: J.K Rowling, people!

**5/17/2012 **(At least, where I am) **Edit:**

Thank you all for the reviews(see, I am even putting up this thing when I answer y'all)!

First of all, I'd like to thank **Mibamonster **for the corrections. I'm really sorry that I make _lots _of mistakes. I always read my fics a lot of times but I just overlook most of 'em.

And to everyone else, thanks! Good reviews really make my days. Like, I'm just there.. tumblring around and doing stuff and- _aha! An e-mail notification! For a review! Such joy I feel!_

No, really.


End file.
